There is no doubt that the past year has been the most trying of my past 35 years. But I have to say, as many times as I wanted to throw in the towel the Lord, family, and friends helped to keep me strong and reassure me that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. My light was simply so small that I could not see it. So I had to walk blindly in faith. I had to walk through the Valley of Darkness, and trust that God would see me through to the light. As I laid in bed tonight, I knew that I needed to right this down.
Today was my light. As Roger and I prepared our new home for our small housewarming party, we laughed, giggled, shopped and played around. You know like we used to when we were younger, happier, and childless. Last night in the rain he began to landscape the front of the house. This morning, up at 6am he worked hard as I prepared the turkeys to complete what is the most beautiful landscaping that I have ever had at a home I owned. Boulders, St. Cloud Granite, and beautiful plants that my mother wanted to take out of the ground and home with her. Job well done, and he did that for me. The simple moment when it came together for me today was not the word or words you would think that would do it for me. But no matter what this word/name held extreme value and a sense of where we are as a couple today, and after all this time and turbulence.
Roger was nursing the turkeys, and I prepared a few other dishes, stripped corn, and cleaned. He opened the garage door and simple said, "Care, could you please bring me some water babe." What seems like an everyday sentence to you, one that maybe you hear everyday, or perhaps you do not rememeber when you last heard something so simple because you hear it all the time, it was something that perked me up, and made me light on my toes. I cannot remember the last time Roger called me "Care". It was a nickname simple enough with Carrie as a first name, but something he used to say with love and admiration. It is a name that I cannot recall hearing in the last year. But today, today I heard it. It was beautiful, just like the day. Something that I will treasure, and pray I hear more often.
Today we came together as a team. I came out and helped shovel rock, helped base turkeys, and made his new favorite Mexican Roll Ups. Today I felt like, a wife, and lover, and a friend to a man I had almost given up on. To a man that I had almost walked out on, to a man that is proving to me that people can change if they want to. You can change your situation, no sale is ever final, no prognosis is ever terminal. Today is proof enough to me that if you fight enough and get a second opinoun, you can beat whatever it is that they say cannot be cured. God has a plan, and sometimes when the road is hard, has no light or rewards, when there is nothing happy about walking down the street today and you have forgot where you are walking. God has a plan. It was my plan to leave, to make my own road and plan. That would have been the wrong plan/road. I had to raise it up to God and then TRUST, that he knew better than I did. That there would be a brighter side to the dark and pain.......Thank You Lord, there is. I cannot wait to see what else is in store for us as we continue to faithfully continue on course for happiness and until death parts us.......
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