You know I have not had a lot of time to tend to my 6 year old blog. Initially when I started the blog it was a way to express what I was feeling as I had a lot going on at home. Now I find it the perfect outlet to talk about my growing family, and by growing I mean aging....Our misses and our successes.
So the boys are now Tucker-9 and Bennett-7. No longer my Bennie, but rather BENNETT. Tucker will always be my Tucker J, I think until he's at least 70! They are in Montrose Elementary in 1st grade and 3rd grade. They are both doing well and Tucker even with struggling at the onset of the school year has improved 150% by second semester. I am so proud of him.
Dilemma: I open enrolled the kids in the Delano School District as I have been given the bless opportunity to be at home. Delano is ranked as not only one of the best schools in the state but in the ENTIRE country. Where is the problem right? Both school districts are very different. In Buffalo the kids would be in the same school until Tucker goes off to 6th grade. So 2 years. Then they would be in Middle school together for 1 year, and High School would be the same.
In Delano the schools are in the same campus so they would be able to see each other their entire school career. Also it has great sports and its a great community. Don't get me wrong Buffalo is a great community too, but I see greater opportunities for them in Delano. They do not want to go now. They have been at Montrose for 2 years, and Bennie since Kindergarten. They don't want to go and I have to make a decision to enroll by March 1st. If there are any moms following my Blog your input would be appreciated. As much as I was hoping for some reassurance from my husband he is leaving me to make this one alone. Which is fine, I think he doesn't want the kids to be MAD at him. I really don't care if they are mad or not. It is my belief that Tucker's IEP for speech and Bennett's accelerated learning will excel in Delano. Phone lines are open, like me or not please weigh in.
Alright now business. That is taking off and all my prayers are being answered. If everything we have been working so hard on pays off, this will be a banner year for us and I will finally get to replace my 2004 Ford Expedition with 240000 miles! She is still chugging along, but needs a lot of work to get her up to speed. Additionally this year may see us saying goodbye to Bastyr Tile as a business. While my husband will still be open to tiling, he will not have time and we will be more focused on what we started in 1997! So stay tuned and if you are praying for us keep it up it IS working.
I lost my job of 3 years last year. It was the biggest blessing I think I could have gotten. Technically we agreed to each move on our separate ways, but they were acquired by a huge company and I got to put my babies on the school bus and take them off everyday! I got to spend the ENTIRE Christmas break going shopping, cooking, baking, seeing movies and checking out Dave and Busters! I truly got the better end of that deal, additionally getting to help with a business that I helped to start nearly 18 years ago. It has been the best 6 months of my life. Really it has been a true blessing.
Well that is my update. We are off and running in 2015 and we are focused and committed to making our business and family the bast it has ever been!! Thank You for all the support.....stay tuned!
Our Family Now
Love has found us!
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Venting through Depression
I felt like since I am pretty much the only one who knows I have this blog that I would vent to myself to see if it makes me feel better. So here we go:
For the past month my husband has been booked on landscape. Great, great for him. He has been leaving for work between 430am and 530am and is usually coming home around 9pm....sometimes later but that is the average. His kids have seen him even less than I have as I try to wait up for him. So as you can see I have been a single parent for a month, and I don't like it. I am physically and mentally wore down. So worn down that I now have a crazy cold that is kicking my butt!!
It finally caught up with me today. The resentment and anger. But understand I am like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde when it comes to this topic. I want my husband to be happy, successful, and stress free. Right now I am just not understanding why giving those things to him, takes them from me? Last night was the straw. I am sick and Monday night I had taken my night-night pills and gone to sleep, Roger woke me over and over again because he was dreaming...3am, 4am...hello I have to be up at 5am and if you don't get the full amount of sleep on those you are done for. So all day yesterday my butt was dragging....oh just to make it home and crawl into bed, then my dreams came true....RAIN!!!!
He called to say he was done for the day and I thought, yeah a day off from EVERYTHING. I can get off work and just drive straight HOME!! Crawl into bed Daddy is home!!!! Alas, a word I never use, Alas the call came at 3pm, can you pick up the kids....Sure why not I do every single day, why should today be different. So I get the kids and we get home and I have already told them how the night will go. I got them in the house and we talked about the day and I dozed off Bennie get hitting my chair and waking me up, with Roger sitting 3 feet from me. Did he say anything....no. Kids what do you want for dinner? Pizza great......OK I will get up and start the oven. Then I dozed off and I heard the beep beep saying the oven was warm.....Ok I guess I can get up and put it in. Beep Beep....Are you serious.....Thank God he is moving toward the stove. What do you all want to drink....I'm sorry why are you asking a 3 & 5 year old what they want? We have Milk with dinner and its white and that is the way its been for over 3 weeks...
Kids are done, we are all on the couch, and I am not going to lie, the house is not a pig sty, but it could use a picking up, but I am sick and have been for 2 days, so I figured it could wait until I get a full nights sleep. Both boys are basically trying to sit on top of Roger, its 530-6pm, they have been home for 1-1-1/2hrs, and Roger flips out. Well if there was more room on the couch, the house is a mess, don't you ever pick up.....So much for rest now I am just mad and I am cleaning the entire house. Look here is my complaint. While he is off doing whatever he does work OR play, I have cleaned the house, switched over clothes from Summer to Winter, Goodwill donations, paid bills, worked, worked out, dropped the boys, picked them up, deposited checks, bought groceries, picked out a cake, made birthday invites, mailed the invites, scrubbed toilets, showers, done all the laundry, put it away, and in all those things not a mention of how nice something looks, Thank you, you are a great wife, lets go out to dinner, rather THIS HOUSE IS A PIG STY, "why don't you ever clean up around here?".
Are you fricken serious? That is what I get, you know that in my weakened state, well if you know me you know what I wanted to tell him to do. Instead I just made sarcastic remarks under my breath while I cleaned. Then I put the kids in the shower washed them, clothed them, read Tucker's new library book to him and Bennie, responded to to Tuckers teachers, typed up an invoice for Roger's customer, checked emails, took my ambien and told him to whatever I am going to bed finally!!!!!
So what does a wife do, I mean it's not like I have been with him for 5 years, I already know if I tell him what my day/week entails he will get defensive and tell me how hard he slaves and on and on. If I say nothing I will get more and more angry, if I drink I will not feel good tomorrow. If I get more angry and angry eventually I will end up taking it out on the boys, and I don't think that is fair to them, they have been pretty good while they have been with me...not perfect, but as good as a 3 and 5 year old can be. Any given day of the week. So I don't know, but the more he is gone the less connected I feel to him, the less committed I feel to him, and the more I think, if I had to do this on my own I could, so why don't I. He is gone all the time now, pretty soon it will be winter and he will be gone all the time then so......What is the diff?
Also something else that is bothering me....This guy at work, everyday inappropriate comments of a sexual nature. It talks about my tights, shoes, my ass....Come on I am the HR Manager, plus it makes me feel gross!!!! Yuck! HELP ME I AM LOSING MY MIND!!! Dad why do I drink so much? I do it to forget what my day was like and what my life has become. All you crazy people that think having kids is the next logical step...It's not, it changes the whole game, and it changes it forever. There is no turning back, and there is no worse feeling than saying these words out loud. So do me a favor, think about it before you have kids and get married...Oh if I could only talk to my 18 year old self....boy would I have some things to tell her!!!!
Oh and before you judge me for my honesty, even though I have no idea if anyone even knows about this page anymore, but know who used to. Take a walk in my real world. That would be the one that I am honest about everything. There is something I knew but finally said out loud recently. I am the only one who says her mind no matter the outcome because I believe that you should be tru to yourself. You should not do or say things for the sake of other or to make yourself look good to others. This is my life it is real, and it is I am sure what a ton of other women experience. So take walk in these heels for a day, I promise you will return them to Kohls at the end of the day!!!!
For the past month my husband has been booked on landscape. Great, great for him. He has been leaving for work between 430am and 530am and is usually coming home around 9pm....sometimes later but that is the average. His kids have seen him even less than I have as I try to wait up for him. So as you can see I have been a single parent for a month, and I don't like it. I am physically and mentally wore down. So worn down that I now have a crazy cold that is kicking my butt!!
It finally caught up with me today. The resentment and anger. But understand I am like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde when it comes to this topic. I want my husband to be happy, successful, and stress free. Right now I am just not understanding why giving those things to him, takes them from me? Last night was the straw. I am sick and Monday night I had taken my night-night pills and gone to sleep, Roger woke me over and over again because he was dreaming...3am, 4am...hello I have to be up at 5am and if you don't get the full amount of sleep on those you are done for. So all day yesterday my butt was dragging....oh just to make it home and crawl into bed, then my dreams came true....RAIN!!!!
He called to say he was done for the day and I thought, yeah a day off from EVERYTHING. I can get off work and just drive straight HOME!! Crawl into bed Daddy is home!!!! Alas, a word I never use, Alas the call came at 3pm, can you pick up the kids....Sure why not I do every single day, why should today be different. So I get the kids and we get home and I have already told them how the night will go. I got them in the house and we talked about the day and I dozed off Bennie get hitting my chair and waking me up, with Roger sitting 3 feet from me. Did he say anything....no. Kids what do you want for dinner? Pizza great......OK I will get up and start the oven. Then I dozed off and I heard the beep beep saying the oven was warm.....Ok I guess I can get up and put it in. Beep Beep....Are you serious.....Thank God he is moving toward the stove. What do you all want to drink....I'm sorry why are you asking a 3 & 5 year old what they want? We have Milk with dinner and its white and that is the way its been for over 3 weeks...
Kids are done, we are all on the couch, and I am not going to lie, the house is not a pig sty, but it could use a picking up, but I am sick and have been for 2 days, so I figured it could wait until I get a full nights sleep. Both boys are basically trying to sit on top of Roger, its 530-6pm, they have been home for 1-1-1/2hrs, and Roger flips out. Well if there was more room on the couch, the house is a mess, don't you ever pick up.....So much for rest now I am just mad and I am cleaning the entire house. Look here is my complaint. While he is off doing whatever he does work OR play, I have cleaned the house, switched over clothes from Summer to Winter, Goodwill donations, paid bills, worked, worked out, dropped the boys, picked them up, deposited checks, bought groceries, picked out a cake, made birthday invites, mailed the invites, scrubbed toilets, showers, done all the laundry, put it away, and in all those things not a mention of how nice something looks, Thank you, you are a great wife, lets go out to dinner, rather THIS HOUSE IS A PIG STY, "why don't you ever clean up around here?".
Are you fricken serious? That is what I get, you know that in my weakened state, well if you know me you know what I wanted to tell him to do. Instead I just made sarcastic remarks under my breath while I cleaned. Then I put the kids in the shower washed them, clothed them, read Tucker's new library book to him and Bennie, responded to to Tuckers teachers, typed up an invoice for Roger's customer, checked emails, took my ambien and told him to whatever I am going to bed finally!!!!!
So what does a wife do, I mean it's not like I have been with him for 5 years, I already know if I tell him what my day/week entails he will get defensive and tell me how hard he slaves and on and on. If I say nothing I will get more and more angry, if I drink I will not feel good tomorrow. If I get more angry and angry eventually I will end up taking it out on the boys, and I don't think that is fair to them, they have been pretty good while they have been with me...not perfect, but as good as a 3 and 5 year old can be. Any given day of the week. So I don't know, but the more he is gone the less connected I feel to him, the less committed I feel to him, and the more I think, if I had to do this on my own I could, so why don't I. He is gone all the time now, pretty soon it will be winter and he will be gone all the time then so......What is the diff?
Also something else that is bothering me....This guy at work, everyday inappropriate comments of a sexual nature. It talks about my tights, shoes, my ass....Come on I am the HR Manager, plus it makes me feel gross!!!! Yuck! HELP ME I AM LOSING MY MIND!!! Dad why do I drink so much? I do it to forget what my day was like and what my life has become. All you crazy people that think having kids is the next logical step...It's not, it changes the whole game, and it changes it forever. There is no turning back, and there is no worse feeling than saying these words out loud. So do me a favor, think about it before you have kids and get married...Oh if I could only talk to my 18 year old self....boy would I have some things to tell her!!!!
Oh and before you judge me for my honesty, even though I have no idea if anyone even knows about this page anymore, but know who used to. Take a walk in my real world. That would be the one that I am honest about everything. There is something I knew but finally said out loud recently. I am the only one who says her mind no matter the outcome because I believe that you should be tru to yourself. You should not do or say things for the sake of other or to make yourself look good to others. This is my life it is real, and it is I am sure what a ton of other women experience. So take walk in these heels for a day, I promise you will return them to Kohls at the end of the day!!!!
Friday, January 21, 2011
The Chore Chart Experience
I have decided that my youngest child is an unbalanced mix. 75% Mommy and 25% Daddy. To boil it down it means that He has a high pain tolerance, is stubborn, and believes he can do whatever he wants. Mommy is a Taurus so what can we expect. I wonder what Bennie is? I am going to look hold on......
My son....he's a Scorpio! Wow I am in trouble!
Scorpio Strength Keywords:
- Loyal
- Passionate
- Resourceful
- Observant
- Dynamic
Scorpio Weakness Keywords:
- Jealous
- Obsessive
- Suspicious
- Manipulative (OH MY)
- Unyielding (This couldn't be more true!)
Scorpio and Independence:
Scorpios are fiercely independent. They are able to accomplish anything they put their mind to and they won't give up. They are perfectly suited to being on their own. They are not social butterflies like some other zodiac signs and some actually prefer to live on their own that way there is never any issue of who controls what at home, they like to be in control.
Scopio meet Taurus! So Stubborn meets Unyeilding. This is like World War Horn-Bastyr has started. I'll explain: We have been having an issue with Ben off and on, and more on lately than off. Cannot get Ben to stay in bed. We have tried everything, time outs, taking things away, not letting him do things he likes. We start the bed process at 8pm maybe 830, and last night I think it was 10ish. So yesterday I thought I would start the chore list to help us do the things we need to do at night (and morning) without a fight, without the yelling and without felling like I want to drop him off at the corner and leave.
So we did the chore lists together. Both boys got their own and decorated them. We started with what we first do in the morning when we get up - Going Potty, getting our coats on, homework, setting the table, shower, getting dressed, brushing our teeth, picking up our toys, and going to bed. I might have missed one but I wanted to start with the important ones and ones that also give me the most trouble. Coats and boots in the AM can prove to be an issue, and of course with Ben going to bed and picking up toys is an issue.
So we started with what we needed to do after we finished the list. Setting the table. Tuck was going potty so Bennie took care of that for me. He was happy to do so! Yeah Bennie. Sticker on the chart....Then Shower, perfect, getting dressed....NO PROB! Brushed teeth, picked up toys, everything went great. I also told the boys that if they did all the chores and got to bed on time they could have a story. Everything was going great, I laid down with both boys and read stories, Good Night with Ben and Scooby with Tucker.....5 minutes later there was Ben...I took him back to his room, just a warning that if we did not stay in bed we could not get our sticker. 2 minutes later, he was out again, I decided that I would ignore him, then he was in the bathroom, then in the laundry room, then he settled in on the floor in the kitchen, and that is where he stayed until about 10pm and he was falling asleep, so I picked him up and placed him in bed.
So I think that I have decided.....Letting him sleep on the floor in the kitchen? Time out chair, swats, yelling, threats? Last night was way calmer and less stressful for ME! So no sticker and we will try again tonight. I don't know anymore more with this kid. I am pretty sure they are both Bi-polar. So this like everything in my life is a learning experience, and when I told my mom this same story while she was in the closet, she laughed. I know secretly she is thanking God and wondering why it took so long for me to get my payback. Mom thought that when I had boys I had been let off the hook....NOPE rest assured this kid is 10 times worse than I could ever have been, and he is going to make an awesome NFL football player and a kick ass Lawyer/Judge! Judge Judy move over here comes Judge Bastyr!!!!
PS......Mom you are always right and I wanted it in print so that you can refer back to this statement until we are no longer here!!
;o) lol
My son....he's a Scorpio! Wow I am in trouble!
Scorpio Strength Keywords:
- Loyal
- Passionate
- Resourceful
- Observant
- Dynamic
Scorpio Weakness Keywords:
- Jealous
- Obsessive
- Suspicious
- Manipulative (OH MY)
- Unyielding (This couldn't be more true!)
Scorpio and Independence:
Scorpios are fiercely independent. They are able to accomplish anything they put their mind to and they won't give up. They are perfectly suited to being on their own. They are not social butterflies like some other zodiac signs and some actually prefer to live on their own that way there is never any issue of who controls what at home, they like to be in control.
Scopio meet Taurus! So Stubborn meets Unyeilding. This is like World War Horn-Bastyr has started. I'll explain: We have been having an issue with Ben off and on, and more on lately than off. Cannot get Ben to stay in bed. We have tried everything, time outs, taking things away, not letting him do things he likes. We start the bed process at 8pm maybe 830, and last night I think it was 10ish. So yesterday I thought I would start the chore list to help us do the things we need to do at night (and morning) without a fight, without the yelling and without felling like I want to drop him off at the corner and leave.
So we did the chore lists together. Both boys got their own and decorated them. We started with what we first do in the morning when we get up - Going Potty, getting our coats on, homework, setting the table, shower, getting dressed, brushing our teeth, picking up our toys, and going to bed. I might have missed one but I wanted to start with the important ones and ones that also give me the most trouble. Coats and boots in the AM can prove to be an issue, and of course with Ben going to bed and picking up toys is an issue.
So we started with what we needed to do after we finished the list. Setting the table. Tuck was going potty so Bennie took care of that for me. He was happy to do so! Yeah Bennie. Sticker on the chart....Then Shower, perfect, getting dressed....NO PROB! Brushed teeth, picked up toys, everything went great. I also told the boys that if they did all the chores and got to bed on time they could have a story. Everything was going great, I laid down with both boys and read stories, Good Night with Ben and Scooby with Tucker.....5 minutes later there was Ben...I took him back to his room, just a warning that if we did not stay in bed we could not get our sticker. 2 minutes later, he was out again, I decided that I would ignore him, then he was in the bathroom, then in the laundry room, then he settled in on the floor in the kitchen, and that is where he stayed until about 10pm and he was falling asleep, so I picked him up and placed him in bed.
So I think that I have decided.....Letting him sleep on the floor in the kitchen? Time out chair, swats, yelling, threats? Last night was way calmer and less stressful for ME! So no sticker and we will try again tonight. I don't know anymore more with this kid. I am pretty sure they are both Bi-polar. So this like everything in my life is a learning experience, and when I told my mom this same story while she was in the closet, she laughed. I know secretly she is thanking God and wondering why it took so long for me to get my payback. Mom thought that when I had boys I had been let off the hook....NOPE rest assured this kid is 10 times worse than I could ever have been, and he is going to make an awesome NFL football player and a kick ass Lawyer/Judge! Judge Judy move over here comes Judge Bastyr!!!!
PS......Mom you are always right and I wanted it in print so that you can refer back to this statement until we are no longer here!!
;o) lol
Monday, January 17, 2011
Unhappily Frustrated - Easier to give up now?
frus·trat·ed /ˈ[fruhs-trey-tid]
–adjective
1. disappointed; thwarted: an announcer who was a frustrated actor.
2. having a feeling of or filled with frustration; dissatisfied: His unresolved difficulty left him absolutely frustrated.
So today was going well. The boys and I played and they helped me get ready to see Tangled for the second time. I had no idea that every other parent in East Bethel had the same idea as me. The theatre was packed! Oh well, Mommy spilled Diet Coke all over her, we ate popcorn, Mike and Ikes, and Twizzlers. We came home at were greeted by our Daddy...yeah!! Then we took short naps, Daddy tried to sleep for awhile because he had to be back to do clean ups at 8pm. Mommy made Spagetti and Cresent Rolls and we settled in as Daddy prepared to go.
Roger wanted to move the dump trailer into the garage so everything could thaw. He ask for me to help him and he wanted to use my truck. The dump trailer is on the side of the house in the snow and its 700pm (dark). So he is guiding me back, and he says a little more and my tire got hung up on some snow....then those swear words that you know mean something expensive has happened.....blah, blah, blah...We know them. Then I hear yelling about how he should go to work to pay for this now and blah, blah, blah, blah.
Here is my complaint and my...disappointment. I will be honest after almost 20 years this marriage and relationship is a challenge. Most of the time it seems worth it and the rest of the time I wonder what would be easier? Seems like everyone likes reminding me that I do not have a job....Really I hadn't noticed....I thought I worked for the State of Minnesota, for Bennett and Tucker Bastyr, for Roger Bastyr, for anyone that calls on me for help, that needs research done, that needs clothing, that needs HR advice. Yet most think that I live the life of a wife that is married to a plower and I must be eating ice cream all day and rolling in money.
My husband really let me down. Is this out of character? No when he gets angry with me he really lets me have it. I get the no working deal, the doing nothing all day thing, the house is dirty, the laundry isn't done what do you do all day? I do everything and you do nothing is what it boils down to.
So I am wondering, with all the work I put into making this home better, and our lives better, when does it become less stressful to throw in the towel? When is it better to be alone? I am not saying I want to leave, I am just wondering out loud. I get to this point. We had a great night, I know he's tired. But even when I do not feel good I never treat him like that. Even with all that I could say, I never do....I prefer to fight fair and if I am going to call something to your attention, it will be something relavent and not something that you cannot change or control. I cannot change or control when or if I get a job. But do I get any credit for helping him and researching Home Shows and putting together photos for the show and vendors, and billing, and the list goes on.
So I want to know from the 2 people that follow this, when is enough enough? What is your line in the sand? Don't give me something from the Bible I want to know your heart. What crosses the line. There is something that your spouse could do that would be a deal breaker. I just think that I have taken a lot of deal breakers this past year, and yet I am still taking the mouth of hell here. Will the bumper be expensive, yes....over $1000 most likely. Was it an accident, yes. I could claim it to insurance, or since it is cracked, there is no hole, you cannot really tell unless you look careful. So if needed it can just stay that way until we can afford to fix it later.
Oh well, what a great end to a great day. Yes I will still call him before I go to bed, and he will not want to talk long, but I will call....Do I love him you ask? Well good question. I will get back to you later on that one, Love means:
love /[luhv]
noun, verb, loved, lov·ing.
–noun
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
8. ( initial capital letter ) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.
9. affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one's neighbor.
10. strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.
11. the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.
12. the benevolent affection of god for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.
–verb (used with object)
15. to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her.
16. to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person).
17. to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to love music.
18. to need or require; benefit greatly from: Plants love sunlight.
19. to embrace and kiss (someone), as a lover.
20. to have sexual intercourse with.
–adjective
1. disappointed; thwarted: an announcer who was a frustrated actor.
2. having a feeling of or filled with frustration; dissatisfied: His unresolved difficulty left him absolutely frustrated.
So today was going well. The boys and I played and they helped me get ready to see Tangled for the second time. I had no idea that every other parent in East Bethel had the same idea as me. The theatre was packed! Oh well, Mommy spilled Diet Coke all over her, we ate popcorn, Mike and Ikes, and Twizzlers. We came home at were greeted by our Daddy...yeah!! Then we took short naps, Daddy tried to sleep for awhile because he had to be back to do clean ups at 8pm. Mommy made Spagetti and Cresent Rolls and we settled in as Daddy prepared to go.
Roger wanted to move the dump trailer into the garage so everything could thaw. He ask for me to help him and he wanted to use my truck. The dump trailer is on the side of the house in the snow and its 700pm (dark). So he is guiding me back, and he says a little more and my tire got hung up on some snow....then those swear words that you know mean something expensive has happened.....blah, blah, blah...We know them. Then I hear yelling about how he should go to work to pay for this now and blah, blah, blah, blah.
Here is my complaint and my...disappointment. I will be honest after almost 20 years this marriage and relationship is a challenge. Most of the time it seems worth it and the rest of the time I wonder what would be easier? Seems like everyone likes reminding me that I do not have a job....Really I hadn't noticed....I thought I worked for the State of Minnesota, for Bennett and Tucker Bastyr, for Roger Bastyr, for anyone that calls on me for help, that needs research done, that needs clothing, that needs HR advice. Yet most think that I live the life of a wife that is married to a plower and I must be eating ice cream all day and rolling in money.
My husband really let me down. Is this out of character? No when he gets angry with me he really lets me have it. I get the no working deal, the doing nothing all day thing, the house is dirty, the laundry isn't done what do you do all day? I do everything and you do nothing is what it boils down to.
So I am wondering, with all the work I put into making this home better, and our lives better, when does it become less stressful to throw in the towel? When is it better to be alone? I am not saying I want to leave, I am just wondering out loud. I get to this point. We had a great night, I know he's tired. But even when I do not feel good I never treat him like that. Even with all that I could say, I never do....I prefer to fight fair and if I am going to call something to your attention, it will be something relavent and not something that you cannot change or control. I cannot change or control when or if I get a job. But do I get any credit for helping him and researching Home Shows and putting together photos for the show and vendors, and billing, and the list goes on.
So I want to know from the 2 people that follow this, when is enough enough? What is your line in the sand? Don't give me something from the Bible I want to know your heart. What crosses the line. There is something that your spouse could do that would be a deal breaker. I just think that I have taken a lot of deal breakers this past year, and yet I am still taking the mouth of hell here. Will the bumper be expensive, yes....over $1000 most likely. Was it an accident, yes. I could claim it to insurance, or since it is cracked, there is no hole, you cannot really tell unless you look careful. So if needed it can just stay that way until we can afford to fix it later.
Oh well, what a great end to a great day. Yes I will still call him before I go to bed, and he will not want to talk long, but I will call....Do I love him you ask? Well good question. I will get back to you later on that one, Love means:
love /[luhv]
noun, verb, loved, lov·ing.
–noun
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
8. ( initial capital letter ) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.
9. affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one's neighbor.
10. strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.
11. the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.
12. the benevolent affection of god for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.
–verb (used with object)
15. to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her.
16. to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person).
17. to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to love music.
18. to need or require; benefit greatly from: Plants love sunlight.
19. to embrace and kiss (someone), as a lover.
20. to have sexual intercourse with.
Friday, January 14, 2011
What is with these Clubbers?
So today I went to the club like I usually do. First the skin treatment that also provides Vitamin D, and then off to the club to sweat and build up the abs. I have to admit I was thinking about a trainer. With more snow coming Monday...why not? I knew that would make my mom talk to herseld at her computer....Anyway, I knew that I would see more people the first couple of weeks, but they have really put a kink in my workout. I mean in order for me to do...um I am up to just a little over 3 miles on the treadmill my brain has to be engaged in the TV so I am not constantly looking at the time left and miles gone.
Now that there are people there I cannot feel free to change the channel to SVU, I have had to take up Criminal Intent, and that Law and Order spin, I must admit to even watching....Charmed if I have to. Anything to give my brain a story line to stay busy and keep my feet going. This morning pure HELL, there they are, all the people I have never seen before, in fact I was sandwiched between 2 people in the last machine available. What is on the TVS? Hillary Clinton and some address in China and 2 women talking about who should win the Ravens playoff game. Look if it were draft time or playoff and the Vikings were in it, fine sign me up for ESPN for about.... 30 minutes. But Hillary Clinton, hang me, trip me, hope for death I would rather choke on a Chinese Chicken Ball. I know a little over the top, but I am a good story teller.... So they start dropping off one here, one there, I can finally see the golden remote....That lady that wasn't even watching TV had it at her machine...what the hxxx? So there are 2 of us left. He doesn't even have a radio, I am sweating and I do not really want to stop, so I look up in the mirror and tell him, I cannot take it anymore, can I please turn the channel? Sure, so I think I put on CSI which is not as good as the shows mentioned earlier but did the trick. Got me to not give up 15 minutes early.
My point is....if its important now shouldn't it be important in October? My mom once asked my how I do it, how I go. First off its now just a part of my schedule. I actually feel a little off if I cannot go. Monday will be that day. Kids are home. Also I know I need to. I know that my jeans fit better when I go, I know my skinny pants look better when I go, and I know that old guys in a crappy bar will hit on me when I am going. It also gives me extra energy and self esteem. I feel generally better about myself, so how can't you go. Sure things come up, so do not feel good, whatever. I am serious about the trainer, its cheaper than Dr. Heather Rushford by a lot and requires less recovery time. Though Roger says only 3 snowfalls like the 2 day event and I can have someone find my boobs for me. Pretty sure I left them in Brainerd, its the last time I remember having any.
PS for all dieters that go to Subway, which is the healthier choice to McDonalds, Burger King......Although the new Chicken Ceasar looks like it will melt in your mouth, the 6" whole wheat sub it 500 calories....If that is in your cal count GO FOR IT, but just wanted you to know...go with the other ones, add veggies, and stop eating when you are full, even if that means that you have to throw away half of your meal. Eat a meal in 30 minutes not 3 minutes. It is not your last meal, it took you 6 months to put on it will not come off in 3 weeks, and there is plenty of meat there you will not freeze in Minnesota this winter, that is why Old Navy invented layers!
Work that thing girl.....Just 1 hour a day, and through away all snack and junk food! Some people cannot have it at all.
Now that there are people there I cannot feel free to change the channel to SVU, I have had to take up Criminal Intent, and that Law and Order spin, I must admit to even watching....Charmed if I have to. Anything to give my brain a story line to stay busy and keep my feet going. This morning pure HELL, there they are, all the people I have never seen before, in fact I was sandwiched between 2 people in the last machine available. What is on the TVS? Hillary Clinton and some address in China and 2 women talking about who should win the Ravens playoff game. Look if it were draft time or playoff and the Vikings were in it, fine sign me up for ESPN for about.... 30 minutes. But Hillary Clinton, hang me, trip me, hope for death I would rather choke on a Chinese Chicken Ball. I know a little over the top, but I am a good story teller.... So they start dropping off one here, one there, I can finally see the golden remote....That lady that wasn't even watching TV had it at her machine...what the hxxx? So there are 2 of us left. He doesn't even have a radio, I am sweating and I do not really want to stop, so I look up in the mirror and tell him, I cannot take it anymore, can I please turn the channel? Sure, so I think I put on CSI which is not as good as the shows mentioned earlier but did the trick. Got me to not give up 15 minutes early.
My point is....if its important now shouldn't it be important in October? My mom once asked my how I do it, how I go. First off its now just a part of my schedule. I actually feel a little off if I cannot go. Monday will be that day. Kids are home. Also I know I need to. I know that my jeans fit better when I go, I know my skinny pants look better when I go, and I know that old guys in a crappy bar will hit on me when I am going. It also gives me extra energy and self esteem. I feel generally better about myself, so how can't you go. Sure things come up, so do not feel good, whatever. I am serious about the trainer, its cheaper than Dr. Heather Rushford by a lot and requires less recovery time. Though Roger says only 3 snowfalls like the 2 day event and I can have someone find my boobs for me. Pretty sure I left them in Brainerd, its the last time I remember having any.
PS for all dieters that go to Subway, which is the healthier choice to McDonalds, Burger King......Although the new Chicken Ceasar looks like it will melt in your mouth, the 6" whole wheat sub it 500 calories....If that is in your cal count GO FOR IT, but just wanted you to know...go with the other ones, add veggies, and stop eating when you are full, even if that means that you have to throw away half of your meal. Eat a meal in 30 minutes not 3 minutes. It is not your last meal, it took you 6 months to put on it will not come off in 3 weeks, and there is plenty of meat there you will not freeze in Minnesota this winter, that is why Old Navy invented layers!
Work that thing girl.....Just 1 hour a day, and through away all snack and junk food! Some people cannot have it at all.
Now I understand the difference between Parent and Guardian
For all you that do not know me, BEWARE there will be a fair amount of sarcasm in this post.....It’s just my way! :o)
So I was sharing something with my mom about something that the boys did. I cannot remember what it was, something having to do with Listening Ears, or Thank You's that were done together or something. I thought was extra cute that day and I wanted to make her smile; the response that I received threw me. The response was, "Well that is what I teach them, when they are here these are the things that we teach them." A list of all the things Gammie and Papa teach was then given. Now I can see how you could say, well maybe you took it to heart a little more than you should of...sure I get that, but my mom and I have also been struggling with "Who’s the parent?" Whenever I am with Gammie, I lose my voice and my authority to parent. While I feel very strongly in well behaved children, I also believe that a 3 year old should have some time to be a 3 year old as long as they are not being destructive, mean, or hurting themselves or others. They do not need to sit up, walk straight, not talk, stop running, don’t interrupt, sit down, no playing, and no fun.
My mother gave me the rebut that they love the structure, while I agree that structure and schedules help little ones build confidence and feel good, they are not being good little soldiers because they enjoy it, they are doing it because it makes Gammie and Papa happy and it gives them love (praise). I mean one night there was more than I could take, between the kids being corrected every 2 minutes to being scolded right in front of my children for how I was correcting one of them, to Gammie folding, then Papa jumped in. Can I win? I mean I felt at that very moment like I should go home, pack their things and drop them back off at Gammie and Papa's because I had lost all control not of my children but of my ability to parent around my parents.
What do you do? Your folks are doing you a favor; they are watching your kids. They are also reinforcing manners, rules, and skills that you also value, aside from the fact that you feel bad for them and you now have to deal with your children playing with your one and only computer all the time trying to play games, where the harm? You could game, no harm, BIG foul!
Even through my frustration, I decided I was going to talk to my mom about the stepping on my feet, punching me in the stomach, and maybe loosening up on the 3 and 5 year olds a little bit. My mother and I have a unique relationship, most likely not similar to the one you have with your mom, or your sister, it is kind of a combination of your mom, your sister and your best friend from high school. You know when she complains about something you can tell her straight, feel bad for her, and then help her solve the problem. I guess I am lucky, most girls would just stay flustered, but in true Carrie fashion most things that are in my brain formulate through Taurus molecules and exit out my mouth. However I seemed to find the truth as kindly as I could that day when I told mom there was something that I needed to talk to her about, something that was bothering me. We talked about it, she offered her explanations and a few things that added to my evidence (wanted to be a rich lawyer) and then just told her. When I walk through your front door I feel like they are no longer my children, I try to correct them and before I can get it out of my mouth it coming out of yours. They back talk me and you are telling them not to talk to me that way instead of me telling them "Don't you talk to your Mother like that" The big one was when Tucker and I got into it in the entryway and she told me not to discipline him that way, right in the middle of the battle and right in front of both the children.
Well as long as Gammie is around I do not have to listen to my mom. That is a huge problem for me, mostly because it was a promise that Roger (my husband) and I had made with each other. Even if we do not agree with a choice that the other is making it is something that we discuss away from the children. Though it is hard, and I can attest to it. You cannot undermine a parent in front of a child. It shows a lack of respect for the parent and gives the child a Get out of Jail free card.
Anyway, Mom and I talked and I am not sure if she really appreciated the talk or she just said she did. I am not sure if things will change, but I can tell you this, a mother is a delicate thing. I started thinking about the little things about my mom that kind of bug me, then I thought about this.......I'm bossy, I am always right, No one will ever be good enough for Tucker and Bennie, I will never stop calling them Tuck and Bennie, they cannot get married until they have dated for 5 years, and are 30+, and they are not allowed to live with a girlfriend until their wedding day is closer than 3 months away. With those things said, I have it easy. My mom talks and screams during movies, she doesn't let you finish a thought before she moves on to a new one, she gets a little over worked at family gatherings. Those are quirks compared to what my boys will have to deal with, and what their wives will have to put up with. However, you should not take this blog as a negative. NO No No No, please do not misunderstand. I am fine with what my parents teach my kids, we have the same values and beliefs. We just need to balance the orange a little better, and hopefully after our talk it will work itself out.
My mother after all produced the world’s most perfect woman, who then produced the world’s most perfect boys, so the Matriarch cannot be all that bad right??? My mother is much loved both in the role as Gammie, Mother, and Friend. We are just in new unchartered territory. Being that I am the first to produce, my kids are the oldest and again, as always, I am the test tube baby/lab rat. Doesn't seem attractive, but I could think of anything else that you test things on?? Umm rabbits? Martin used to use dogs...wait I can do this, I am the oh oh Guinea Pig! I did it Mom, I did it!!!
You have to learn somewhere right? Probably why I chose to go first, that big mouth made me speak up first before all the rules and side effects were revealed. (These are jokes)
In closing...Mom I love you, I appreciate everything that you do for me, Roger, and my boys. I know that there is nothing bad about what we are going through, just feelings, and those are always subjective. I am not sure when I started using words like subjective (I did just watch Social Network). Anyway, you are much loved, you are much appreciated, and you are very needed and valued.
So the difference between Parent and Guardian? A parent is something that comes from blood, cells, eggs, and a birthing process that I recommend drugs for. Guardian, is just as it sounds. They guard. The guide.... They IAN, that is a joke too.
So I was sharing something with my mom about something that the boys did. I cannot remember what it was, something having to do with Listening Ears, or Thank You's that were done together or something. I thought was extra cute that day and I wanted to make her smile; the response that I received threw me. The response was, "Well that is what I teach them, when they are here these are the things that we teach them." A list of all the things Gammie and Papa teach was then given. Now I can see how you could say, well maybe you took it to heart a little more than you should of...sure I get that, but my mom and I have also been struggling with "Who’s the parent?" Whenever I am with Gammie, I lose my voice and my authority to parent. While I feel very strongly in well behaved children, I also believe that a 3 year old should have some time to be a 3 year old as long as they are not being destructive, mean, or hurting themselves or others. They do not need to sit up, walk straight, not talk, stop running, don’t interrupt, sit down, no playing, and no fun.
My mother gave me the rebut that they love the structure, while I agree that structure and schedules help little ones build confidence and feel good, they are not being good little soldiers because they enjoy it, they are doing it because it makes Gammie and Papa happy and it gives them love (praise). I mean one night there was more than I could take, between the kids being corrected every 2 minutes to being scolded right in front of my children for how I was correcting one of them, to Gammie folding, then Papa jumped in. Can I win? I mean I felt at that very moment like I should go home, pack their things and drop them back off at Gammie and Papa's because I had lost all control not of my children but of my ability to parent around my parents.
What do you do? Your folks are doing you a favor; they are watching your kids. They are also reinforcing manners, rules, and skills that you also value, aside from the fact that you feel bad for them and you now have to deal with your children playing with your one and only computer all the time trying to play games, where the harm? You could game, no harm, BIG foul!
Even through my frustration, I decided I was going to talk to my mom about the stepping on my feet, punching me in the stomach, and maybe loosening up on the 3 and 5 year olds a little bit. My mother and I have a unique relationship, most likely not similar to the one you have with your mom, or your sister, it is kind of a combination of your mom, your sister and your best friend from high school. You know when she complains about something you can tell her straight, feel bad for her, and then help her solve the problem. I guess I am lucky, most girls would just stay flustered, but in true Carrie fashion most things that are in my brain formulate through Taurus molecules and exit out my mouth. However I seemed to find the truth as kindly as I could that day when I told mom there was something that I needed to talk to her about, something that was bothering me. We talked about it, she offered her explanations and a few things that added to my evidence (wanted to be a rich lawyer) and then just told her. When I walk through your front door I feel like they are no longer my children, I try to correct them and before I can get it out of my mouth it coming out of yours. They back talk me and you are telling them not to talk to me that way instead of me telling them "Don't you talk to your Mother like that" The big one was when Tucker and I got into it in the entryway and she told me not to discipline him that way, right in the middle of the battle and right in front of both the children.
Well as long as Gammie is around I do not have to listen to my mom. That is a huge problem for me, mostly because it was a promise that Roger (my husband) and I had made with each other. Even if we do not agree with a choice that the other is making it is something that we discuss away from the children. Though it is hard, and I can attest to it. You cannot undermine a parent in front of a child. It shows a lack of respect for the parent and gives the child a Get out of Jail free card.
Anyway, Mom and I talked and I am not sure if she really appreciated the talk or she just said she did. I am not sure if things will change, but I can tell you this, a mother is a delicate thing. I started thinking about the little things about my mom that kind of bug me, then I thought about this.......I'm bossy, I am always right, No one will ever be good enough for Tucker and Bennie, I will never stop calling them Tuck and Bennie, they cannot get married until they have dated for 5 years, and are 30+, and they are not allowed to live with a girlfriend until their wedding day is closer than 3 months away. With those things said, I have it easy. My mom talks and screams during movies, she doesn't let you finish a thought before she moves on to a new one, she gets a little over worked at family gatherings. Those are quirks compared to what my boys will have to deal with, and what their wives will have to put up with. However, you should not take this blog as a negative. NO No No No, please do not misunderstand. I am fine with what my parents teach my kids, we have the same values and beliefs. We just need to balance the orange a little better, and hopefully after our talk it will work itself out.
My mother after all produced the world’s most perfect woman, who then produced the world’s most perfect boys, so the Matriarch cannot be all that bad right??? My mother is much loved both in the role as Gammie, Mother, and Friend. We are just in new unchartered territory. Being that I am the first to produce, my kids are the oldest and again, as always, I am the test tube baby/lab rat. Doesn't seem attractive, but I could think of anything else that you test things on?? Umm rabbits? Martin used to use dogs...wait I can do this, I am the oh oh Guinea Pig! I did it Mom, I did it!!!
You have to learn somewhere right? Probably why I chose to go first, that big mouth made me speak up first before all the rules and side effects were revealed. (These are jokes)
In closing...Mom I love you, I appreciate everything that you do for me, Roger, and my boys. I know that there is nothing bad about what we are going through, just feelings, and those are always subjective. I am not sure when I started using words like subjective (I did just watch Social Network). Anyway, you are much loved, you are much appreciated, and you are very needed and valued.
So the difference between Parent and Guardian? A parent is something that comes from blood, cells, eggs, and a birthing process that I recommend drugs for. Guardian, is just as it sounds. They guard. The guide.... They IAN, that is a joke too.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
What is a true believer?
I was asked a question tonight that I was over joyed to answer. My husband, brother-in-law, and myself were discussing the financial issues that were plaguing my old church. There is a question of either embezzlement or mismanagement to say the least of funds. This is one of the reasons, my favor pastors left my church and branched off to start a new one. Along with the decision that the old church made to remain part of the ELCA. If you have not heard, they have decided that it is ok for Homosexuals to be pastors, and many of us believe that this is hipocritical. You cannot preach that it is wrong to lay with another man or woman, if you do. It's like stealing although you know its wrong, but doing it and planning to ask forgiveness afterwards.
I digress.............?
So my brother in law made the statement that "who" could resist the temptation. With all that unaccountable cash rolling into your hands, "who" could resist taking some. No one would ever know and you have needs and expenses too. I stated that this was wrong, and no not all pastors would think or be tempted to steal it. I made the statement that a true or I think I used the term, die hard believer/christian would take it. So then I was asked, Ok what do you consider a die hard or true believer?
I answered him this was. God and being a true christian is not something that you turn on and off. God is not a wish list at Target. Where God can go to get ideas for what you need. True believers, and called Pastors believe that God will provide what they need. They need not want, because God will deliver it to them. He disagreed. No they need the money now, everyone needs more money. I delivered that yes, while we all need something, that if we truly believe we have no reason to steal, the Lord will not let us go hungry, he will give us all we need, if we believe and a true christian, and real Pastor would not take something because he/she knows in their heart that God will deliver it to them. They have no need to take it.
Then he still sqwaked at me. No anyone would take it. I said no. I think that you are jaded with your upbringing. While he believes that people go to church for an appearance, they do not believe, but they go to make someone happy. I agree many non-believers go to church so they "look good" in someones eyes. Maybe the community, maybe their parents, maybe their employer......But not all people that go to church are like that. I certainly can be put in the other group. I feel better after I go to church. I go to church to learn. I go to church to watch my children grow, learn, and the pure excitement they feel just by dressing up to get there! Church is the last place to put up apprearances. That is why I like the come as you are churches. They dont care what you wear, just that you came to worship.
I was proud of myself. I spoke my heart to people that did not believe that anything good comes out of church attendence. Then it became more and more clear that the forced confimations and Saturday church attendence that the Bastyr kids made really did a job on them. They have parents that have attended church for 65+ years, made their children attend to misery, and they never displayed any signs of believing in the Lord in their home. There was no reinforcement in the home, so they wondered why they were forced to go and then developed a negetive notion of what believing really was........Sad, because Christ lights me up, makes me happy. I love to sing, I love to talk to him, I wish they knew him the way I did....Like they say, it is never to late!
I digress.............?
So my brother in law made the statement that "who" could resist the temptation. With all that unaccountable cash rolling into your hands, "who" could resist taking some. No one would ever know and you have needs and expenses too. I stated that this was wrong, and no not all pastors would think or be tempted to steal it. I made the statement that a true or I think I used the term, die hard believer/christian would take it. So then I was asked, Ok what do you consider a die hard or true believer?
I answered him this was. God and being a true christian is not something that you turn on and off. God is not a wish list at Target. Where God can go to get ideas for what you need. True believers, and called Pastors believe that God will provide what they need. They need not want, because God will deliver it to them. He disagreed. No they need the money now, everyone needs more money. I delivered that yes, while we all need something, that if we truly believe we have no reason to steal, the Lord will not let us go hungry, he will give us all we need, if we believe and a true christian, and real Pastor would not take something because he/she knows in their heart that God will deliver it to them. They have no need to take it.
Then he still sqwaked at me. No anyone would take it. I said no. I think that you are jaded with your upbringing. While he believes that people go to church for an appearance, they do not believe, but they go to make someone happy. I agree many non-believers go to church so they "look good" in someones eyes. Maybe the community, maybe their parents, maybe their employer......But not all people that go to church are like that. I certainly can be put in the other group. I feel better after I go to church. I go to church to learn. I go to church to watch my children grow, learn, and the pure excitement they feel just by dressing up to get there! Church is the last place to put up apprearances. That is why I like the come as you are churches. They dont care what you wear, just that you came to worship.
I was proud of myself. I spoke my heart to people that did not believe that anything good comes out of church attendence. Then it became more and more clear that the forced confimations and Saturday church attendence that the Bastyr kids made really did a job on them. They have parents that have attended church for 65+ years, made their children attend to misery, and they never displayed any signs of believing in the Lord in their home. There was no reinforcement in the home, so they wondered why they were forced to go and then developed a negetive notion of what believing really was........Sad, because Christ lights me up, makes me happy. I love to sing, I love to talk to him, I wish they knew him the way I did....Like they say, it is never to late!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)