Today as I helped my husband getting ready for a work trip I wondered how I would fare with him gone. Roger and I have really become a well oiled machine. Tag teaming the kids when they act out, and backing up each other when a child acts out against one of us. It's funny as I sit here, the boys are at Miss Annette's and the house is silent, there is a lot of time to reflect. Reflect on all things GOOD and BAD.
Mom left for Florida today, Roger left for work, Candice left for Florida (or that's what FB says), I am kind of feeling abandoned. I mean not really, but everyone in my life has left. Some for good, some for reasons unknown. Mom and I have been in the heat of discussion about Meagan. Who is right and who is wrong. I found her blog on relationships ironic. My response was heartfelt. It hurts when any kind of relationship goes bad, and that person goes missing from your life, but look at it this way. I just heard a song, by Lee Ann Womack. It's called "Either Way", a side note I LOVE "Last Call", either way. This song is from the wife. She's been married and things went bad, a very long, long time ago. She no longer has the energy to cry, she's done all the crying she can. She cannot be mad or angry; there are no emotions, because she simply doesn't care either way. They sleep in separate rooms; they only talk once a month when the monthly bills are due. They go to work, they go to church, and they act like the perfect family. But she says if he wants out, it's ok, she won't love him either way.
You can apply the theory of a marriage, to any relationship. I mean most people tell you how you should treat your spouse. Everyone has advice about longevity. Really it applies to all relationships. YOU HAVE TO WORK ON THEM! They don't fix themselves, and sometimes it's worth just calling it quits. I am lucky. I have been blessed with success. My mother and I have been kindred since before I was born. We have also been through the most, crap together. I think that is why we always come back to each other. We are like the lizard and the tail. If you cut me off, I always grow back with time.
Then you have my dear, dear husband. We have been with each other for 17 years. That is the single longest relationship that I have had, next to my mother. Roger has been here through car accidents, weight gain, abandonment, bitchy PMS, and guess what. He is still here. I love him more today, then I did the day I married him. There is no doubt we have had a few rough patches, recent more rough than patchy. But we have come out the other side too. Loving each other more, and we have become better parents, better friends, well better everythings.
Then you have my sister. For some reason my sister has a different idea of life than I do. I say this with indifference. In order to recount why we are where we are you have to talk about where you have been. My sisters grew up much different than I did. In fact to be fair, my brother and all my sisters grew up much different than me. If you look at all of us, we are night and day different. I am an only child from my mother's first marriage. I was alone until I was 8, 10, 11, 13, and then 20. At that time I became more of a parent than a sibling. I watched over them, protected them, and taught them poorly. Mostly because I did not stay long enough when it was important.
As a result my sister is a hypocrite. It's ok for her to dwell on issues, as she is now. It's ok for her to broadcast her problems, and tell everyone under the sun. But as she likes to say, "YOU need to get over it" She says it to everyone, me included. I need to get over paying $250 per month for Electric. I need to get over 13 years of mental and physical abuse. I need to get over anything that is in my past, including the fact that I forgot to go potty before bed last night, and wet the bed.
But she can do whatever she wants. She can choose to move on or dwell up to her. This is something that I have a HUGE problem with. You see as I mentioned earlier, sometimes you bring up the past not to RUB it in, not because you haven't "Gotten Over It", but because you need to understand why you are acting in the present. So in order to understand why I am angry now, you have to understand that something maybe happened 8 times last month. If you did not know that, you would not understand why I was upset today. So you see it is sometimes necessary to talk about the past in order to understand the future.
My sister, doesn't understand anything outside her world. Everything you for her you owe her, everything she does for you, you owe her more. I could really care less what the score card is. In fact I have started deleting in my brain, the things, the times, all the stuff. Though I am constantly reminded of the babysitting that you can count on both hands. Of the well, that's it babysitting. Not just any babysitting either. Babysitting that came at a very crucial time in my life. Not to go out and have fun, but to help rebuild a life I loved and did not want to lose. Not only for me, but for my kids, and husband.
While true, there was a bonehead mistake that sparked this fire, to be honest, I was a dry ditch waiting for a tossed ashed to send this up in flames. I am always being told to "Do the right thing", to "Set an example", to "BE THE BIGGER PERSON". Well I have done those things. Then you wonder, is this worth the trouble? You have to gauge if it is worth the pain and aggrevation EVERYTIME this happens. With an average of once a month, I have better things to do with my time. When you can sit in calm, and not be upset that you know a relationship is over, then that means you are ready to move on. If at the end of the day your heart aches, and you cry then your heart is still in the game and it's worth fighting for! My heart checked out, and it’s ok. I can totally get along; I just not longer feel an emotional connection. The one thing I am really sorry about, is that my sister cannot see that the way she acted that ONE day sparked this ditch fire, and now the houses have burned and there is no way to make them what they ever were. Also the homeowners have to want to put another home there. These homeowners have moved out of the area.
So that is the long and short of it. So don’t be sad, some people are just not meant to have relationships. Just because you are related to someone, doesn’t change the fact that some personalities work together and some don’t. Related or not. It’s sad, yes. This girl was chosen to be a Godmother to my son. I cannot even ask her to watch the kids. Instead of her wanting to spend the time with them, she would rather accuse me of using her for daycare. News for you, I have a sitter. If I asked you to watch them, it was because I thought you might want to see them, because your husband said, :SHE LOVES THEM SO MUCH.” If I loved something SO MUCH. There is nothing that would keep from it. Even if I was using you for a sitter, wouldn’t you want to spend time with the kids, or was punishing me more important? Its ok, I always line up my sitter, I was going to cancel her that night. That’s your loss, I just don’t understand it. They still talk about you and your husband all the time. We are all going to do something together. I hate to see the look in their eyes, when I have to tell them NO. Your Auntie is too stubborn, and too RIGHT to see you. All you have to do is ask………Just because I will not engage, it doesn’t mean you punish them too. But see that is the difference I talked about earlier. I can do that. It’s apparent you cannot.
Mom, I am sorry this situation hurts you. In order for it not, you really need to sit down and understand what I am saying. She doesn’t HAVE to like or love me. You spend so much time and energy trying to push things together. Sometimes it just causes you and the others more pain. Look you and I argued, you and my sister argued, and you were upset….Why? Sometimes we have to look past the “perfect” picture. I think that has been some of my problem too.
That is another blog!
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