We have often spoken of people that “pick and chose’ Please let me preface this story with this: This is totally about me and nothing should be taken to be about “you”. The statements I make are about the vast majority of people, unfortunately, and how I learned that I am falling into the ranks of the minority.
Ok so people pick and chose. Jesus I need you to heal me, Lord I need money, God please let me get a job. As long as things are “going” they give no thought to God, but when they hit trouble, they turn to him, and because he is who he is he helps them. I have seen this first hand. Then you have people like me. I believe the word with all my heart. I know how I am to take, and what God wants and expects from me. Sometime though I think I know best, or I justify that I have to do something believing that I am making the best decision for my FAMILY.
Family is a hard one for me. They mean everything to me, and there is literally NOTHING, that I would not do for them. Nothing. I would take on an entire army of pig bombers with swords from the depths of HELL to save any of them, especially my boys. All 3 of them are so special. I know you hear my mom telling you about how Roger did this, and me telling you how Tucker won’t potty train to save his life, Ben gets into everything on purpose just to set me off. WELL, that’s life right? It’s not promised anywhere that blessings come without trials. God brought Roger into my life at a crossroads for me. I could have gone completely bad…..who knows pregnant 8 times, 10 abortions, drugs….I don’t think I would have been that bad, but Roger was sent from God…..I am positive about that fact and the 17 years that I have spent with him is a testament to it. Then I begged God for children. Maybe twin girls? No I received the most beautiful boys ever created. Each the perfect balance of mom and dad. One with Brown eyes that make you relive Bambi, and one that flashes baby blues and you hand over the store. With those miracles, came pain, hurt, laughter, love, and ……trials. Who said it would be easy?
So this brings me to the lead story of the day. THE RACES this weekend. We were in Garrison, MN (sorry Shelly, that’s why I was unavailable!!) Garrison is where I was tested. It was satin, without doubt. But here it is:
The weekend started off bad….we should have packed up, but the boys were excited about going to the hotel and the races and the pool…..mini vacation and we all needed it! Roger pulled is sled out Friday, and it fouled out, basically if you are not a snowmo racer, that means “IT’S BROKE”. He had to load it up as the boys and I were headed up and he had to drive it from Garrison all the way to Lakeville to fix it and bring it back. Oh Boy.
Day 2 “At the Races”
First race out of the gate. The sled is running great. Great hole shot, which means he took the lead first from the start line. He raced well the first race on a new track is getting used to the conditions; he was in 2/3? Took the checkered flag and he must have hit the throttle over the finish line, (that’s the gas), he went nose first into the snow. I watched him fall off the sled like a rag doll and I will admit between you and I as I watched the sled and my husband, I gasped for Roger, but was thinking, how much is that going to cost me??? Forgive me Lord, he can go into the hot tub, the snowmobile can’t.
Around 12 I took the kids back to the room for naptime. Expecting to see Roger and Trent by 330-4 for pool time with the kids. I woke up at 2:15 sick to my stomach. Something was wrong…..I called Roger, no answer. Well, I was uneasy but laid back down with Bennie, and decided he was probably out for his last race…..I could not go back to sleep so I stood at the end of the beds and watched the boys sleep, and my stomach became tighter and tighter. I almost wanted to wake them. Something was wrong, I was sure. The boys woke up at 315 thanks to the drunken neighbors….Whatever it’s a Casino. So we got up and I tried to call Roger 2 more times….nothing. I was at that point torn. The boys were looking at me begging for the pool, they had been so good taking a nap……so we headed down, short a daddy…….
We tried the pool, but I am sorry when your 4 year old turns blue, and your 2 year old will not get in, IT’S COLD!!! So we headed to the hot tub, this is where I continued to take my eyes off my children that cannot swim and call my husband…..3 more times, no answer. After the boys had tried to drown 2-3 times each and were bright red, like they had been sunburned in Mexico, oh and an hour, we headed back up to take a shower and get ready for PIZZA and the play land! They were ready. This weekend was theirs and they were going to live it up!!! I gave the boys a shower, I took a shower, and finally my husband called. First words, “Are you coming back?” He yelled at me, he was lying down in the trailer and hung up. His friend Trent found me first. Someone had taken a cheap shot at Roger on the track, and he hit Roger in the head with the ski of his snowmobile, after he knocked Roger off and to the ground. It was a move that was done out of frustration by the young punk that was upset that an old man was beating him. So he took him out in the corner, and as my husband was lying on the ground, he drove by and told him that “He deserved what he got”.
I had all the Carrie typical responses. Who was it, numbers, where is the trailer……then I took my husband to dinner with his babies, watched as I could tell he was in pain, I touched his hand while we ate. We dropped the kids off at the daycare, which is a huge play center. McDonalds on steroids. For $20 the kids could have some kid time, and run off their energy, dad could rest. We talked about what happen. I could not wait to get to the track the next day. If anyone knows me, they know that Mr. Anderson and his son were going to get at a minimum every word in the book, and I was mad enough that I thought I could hit this punk. What did I do next? Exciting Right? Well as my mother would say, I went out to check the weather. The casino was too loud and stinky….I went outside where it was 0 degrees and I prayed.
Lord, I know what the right thing is to do. Debbie told me, We need to forgive people and show MERCY even when the people do NOT deserve it. I know this to be your word in my head, but my family has been hurt, I have to protect them…..BUT wait Carrie, he said…..I will protect them. I know Lord, but I have to make sure that they know how mad I am….BUT wait Carrie, satin will not listen to reason, he will simply find another avenue to create pain and anger….Lord, I have to say something you should know me better than that. God spoke to me….NO HE REALLY DID DEBBIE!!! GOD SPOKE TO ME!!!!
Carrie, You need to show Mercy and Forgiveness even though they do not deserve it. I was excited that I heard the word, but I was fighting inside. I know what is right, but he will forgive me if I take a step out right….The battle waged on all the way to the track. I knew what was right and if I believed it was not for me to pick and chose what in his word I would follow, but to FOLLOW HIS WORDS. All of them! I pulled onto the ice, I passed the trailer of the Anderson’s, and my truck kept driving….then ½ way to my trailer, I stopped. About faced and headed to the trailer with a mission, but all I could do was pray that God would speak through me, and contain my anger, Please make my words mean something and stay within who I want to become in your name.
I knocked and they let me in the trailer. I introduced myself, and asked the boy to explain to me what happened to cause my husband to have a concussion? Oh I did not know that happened he said, I did not hit him on purpose, Roger, was racing dirty, and was hitting me and taking my lines, and it just happened. I let the punk say his say. Then I spoke. And I spoke calmly and with intent. First of all my husband could not “Race Dirty” if you paid him too. It’s not in his nature. Second of all you are supposed to be having a good time, not trying to kill each other. Lastly this is what I am going to leave you with. (He was being argumentative, and I would not engage). My husband has a 2 year old and a 4 year old outside that he has to provide for. They love him more than anything; this is supposed to be a fun time, not a place to die. I am assuming after our talk that this situation will not repeat itself today. As long as we are ok to race with you all clean today, we are ok……With that I left.
I sat in my car, I was in disbelief. All I could think about was how I knew what really happened, and this kid was lying right to my face, but then wouldn’t he? Why would he say, yeah I tried to kill your husband. I did not raise my voice, I did not engage in an argument, and I forgave them the minute I left the trailer. I did not hit him, I did not call him a little */%$*& Lady Racer….In fact I did not even think it? Look folks you may not get it, but this is a big deal for me, I am still in shock! Wow….then the older Anderson who ALSO races Roger, walked up to Roger and shook his hand and said..”No hard feelings.” Roger’s response was, “It is what it is”, he did not shake his hand and he walked away. Now on this one I am on Roger’s side. The man did not say I am sorry about the way I taught my son to race; he did not say sorry at all, just hey no hard feelings. Um what do they have hard feelings about? Why shouldn’t Roger have hard feelings? He has to get on a 500lb machine, and race these two jerks on 500lb machines aimed right at him at 30+mph. So then the old man Anderson became concerned about retaliation, and contacted the race director. We’ve known Jimbo for many years, Jimbo talked to Roger, Roger told Jimbo that I talked to the Andersons, and Jimbo came looking to talk to me.
I will be honest with you. I was insulted when that man walked in my trailer. He was right there when it happened. In fact the punk kids told Jimbo, the race director, to F&%$ Off, yeah that’s the kid of respect the father has taught the son. Jimbo asked me what I said to them. First of all, does it matter? Wasn’t it between them and me? I told Jimbo that I was a Christian woman, and behaved accordingly. I told them that I was unhappy with what happened, that they are supposed to be having a good time, that Roger has children he needs to take care of, and that I did not expect yesterday to repeat itself. PERIOD. I also felt the need to tell the one in charge of the races, that they were accusing Roger of racing dirty. You have watched Roger race for almost 10 years, and I think he is the last one on this track to race “dirty” He agreed and left.
No the day is not over.
First race of the day AGAIN. Roger was doing great. Meagan and Steve came up, and with them there I made sure that I was outside the trailer watching each race. Anderson stayed quite far back from Roger, but poor John came into the corner pretty hot, (fast and aggressive), he ended up flipping his sled right next to Roger, knocking Roger in the head and off his sled and onto the ground. There was so much snow dust that I could not see what had happened I could see Roger on the ground, and then he stood up and fell down. I knew he was hurt. I was pacing the fence like a dog that wanted to get out after a squirrel. He pulled off the track and they asked him to get checked out, but he came back to the trailer. He was hurt guys, bad. Keep in mind, Saturday he had a concussion, he just got hit in the head by that 500lb machine. As he walked in the trailer, he was holding his head, he was hurt. This was a complete accident. Poor John took himself out, and Roger was in the wrong place at the right time.
Jimbo came to the trailer and asked him to stop for the day, but Roger said he just had a headache and he would be ok. Jimbo warned me not to let him lay down and no sleeping. Roger went out for his next race, went around one time and pulled off the track. He was dizzy…..Seriously, I could care less if I was in Mexico, if I was sick I would be in the hotel room. What is he trying to kill himself? The rest of the day had poor finishes as you can imagine. He was sick, and hurt. The boys, Steve, Meg, and I all watched him race the rest of the day. It was nice being there with them. By the end it was 215 and the kids were tired. Bennie passed out in the trailer, Tucker went into my truck to watch a movie. But we had to wait a couple of hours to pull out with the trailer. By that time Tucker had fallen asleep, and Bennie had woken up! Bennie, do you want to ride in Daddy’s truck? Those big blue eyes, enlarged 8000% with giggles….So Bennie got into dad’s truck and mom had the sleeping Tucker. He woke up half way home and after about 15 minutes asked, where the heck is BENNIE???? MOM where IS BENNIE???
I explained he was with Daddy ahead of us…can you see Daddy’s trailer up there? Yes Mom……
Got home, Mommy took care of the boys, Daddy sat and watched XGames, Pop called and sang Jesus to Ben….sorry Gammie…..if it makes you feel better I had to tell him the words, then Bennie yelled at me and said Pop do it. After I got Pop through it once, he sighed with relief, and then Bennie said, “Again Pop!”
Thank Lord for Blessing me with all of these great things that are so important to me. That includes your word. Thank you for giving me the knowledge and the STRENGTH to act as you would have wanted me too and not following the path that satin was setting me up for. I praise your name, and hope that I can grow more in your name!
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