Today my sister lost her son, that was one day short of being 1 month old. I know what I am supposed to say as a Christian, as a follower, and as a believer. That Garrett is in a better place. He will no longer have to endure painful procedures. He will no longer have to struggle with eating, and just living day to day. I know that he is in heaven with God, and healthy and happy.
My mind/brain knows all those things, but as a mother of 2 young children, I cannot help but feel selfish. Why? Why him? He was just a baby. He had yet time to sin, to do wrong. All he had done was bring joy to a family that much anticipated his arrival. Excited to have yet another boy in the family now we are left with a large hole in our hearts and a feeling of helplessness in how we can help a mother that is in pain and mourning.
Rightfully angry and possibly feeling betrayed. How do we help these parents that loved this child before he even came into this world cope and heal from the loss of a sweet and wonderful son. Ironically the answer for me came from an unlikely source tonight. My husband. He said to me that since we did not know what the long term effects of the tramas that little baby Garrett sustained, maybe God decided that it was better for him to come home now instead of suffering for a long time, being in pain, or having a demenished quality of life. And while that makes perfect sense to me as a Christian as a mother, it's painful, and unimaginable.
It has made me take stock. I love Mindi very much. I love Garrett just as much although I never had the priveledge to meet him. Just from his pictures I could tell what a perfect angel he is. I know Mindi doesn't want to hear about plans, and higher powers, and to be honest I cannot blame her. I would not want to hear it either. There is nothing that I can think of that I can offer her at this moment to help her. All I can say is that I love you Mindi. That there has not been a night since November 7th that Garrett has not been on my prayer list. This will continue for sometime to come. You all will remain on that list. If there is anything that the Bastyr Family can do to assist you at this time or in the future we are here for you.
Hold tightly to those last nursings, to hold him and watching him. It will not happen tomorrow or even a week from today, or even a month from today, but this to shall pass and we will find a way to honor a brave and courageous child that fought with all he had to be in this world. Tonight he gets to rest, he is healthy happy and watching over his mommy to comfort you because he knows you are in pain, as does God.
This should give everyone a reason to take a minute and check themselves. Are they living like should or are they taking their gifts for grantiude. I know I have had to take that look at myself after the last week of complaining about the behavior of my boys.
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